Juanna Grace Ladaga
The longer I live,
The more deeply I learn
That love,
Whether we call it friendship
Or family or romance,
Is the work of mirroring
And magnifying
Each other's light.
Gentle work. Steadfast work.
Life-saving work in those moments
When life and shame and sorrow
Occlude our own light from our view.
But there is still a clear-eyed loving person
To beam it back.
In our best moments
We are that person for another.
James Baldwin
End Of Life Planning
Looking ahead, gaining perspective, resolving unfinished business and integrating the past to lay the foundations for a peaceful death with grace and dignity.
Why would I want to make a plan for the end of my life?
Some of us live in communities where traditions still exist that carry the memory of how we 'do' death. There might be rituals, prayers, traditions and habits that mean that the deceased and bereaved know exactly how they will be carried through this time, having themselves supported others in a similar way when it was their turn to face death.
And there are those of us who live far from our families and the traditions we grew up with, sometimes by choice, sometimes by necessity where death is something to be discovered anew every time it enters life.
Having thought through the various possibilities of how I might face this chapter of my life can give me a sense of empowerment, discernment and of the realities that are actually based on how and where my life actually is.
There are different ways to make these plans - in a simple way we can say that some involve the outer form of life (my will, power of attorney, health advocate, funeral planning, advance statement and decisions, digital assets and legacy. And there are plans we can make for how we wish to experience this part of our lives - how we would like to held in our death and dying, including those who will be bereaved by our death.
Making time to reflect on our lives, to address unfinished business, to create legacy container. Thinking about who I would like to be with me, and where would I like to be when I am dying, can help guide the preparations that will help that be the most likely outcome, while also respecting that much of this may be out of our hands depending on the conditions that are leading me towards my death.
I work with people to make these plans and preparations in a way that feels safe, held and connected. Feeling afraid, anxious and scattered is natural - and talking these things through can help to feel more settled, secure and at peace.
